I Didn't Believe I Was a Runner, So I Didn't Run
What the science of identity says about why we stay stuck.
That blaring sound of the alarm at 4:45 AM…startled me awake, trying to remember why on earth I signed up for this.
Then I remembered, I was training for a half-marathon. I was meant to be getting up to train. The moment I remembered, my brain went to bargaining mode…Do we have to start today? Can we do it after work? Let’s start next week? The decision was to get out of bed, into the cold, and run or stay in the warmth of my cozy bed.
This went on for months.
Every week, I had a distance goal to meet, and week after week, I failed to meet it. Every week, the gap between where I was and where I needed to be grew as race day drew closer. And then came the frustration…why was I failing to follow through on this commitment? The crazy thing was that I loved running, so this was something I enjoyed doing, it was something I wanted to do, yet I was failing to do it.
Why do we fail to follow through on things we actually want to do?
The One Truth
We assume that wanting something bad enough will be sufficient to change what we do. So, we set goals and make plans… and then, when the alarm goes off at 445 AM, we do what we’ve always done. Then we blame it on the lack of motivation and discipline. The truth? It has more to do with our identity.
As humans, we have a deep-seated need to act in alignment with who we believe we are - this is called cognitive dissonance theory. The theory states that when our actions do not align with who we believe we are, it causes psychological discomfort, and our brains move us towards resolving that discomfort.
What this means is that I was motivated to run, I set the goal, and I had a plan, but when that alarm went off at 445 AM (which was already discomforting), I acted in a way that aligned most with my identity.
In other words, I didn’t believe I was a runner, so I didn’t run.
Cognitive dissonance isn’t just an individual thing; it also applies to groups and organizations. For example, if an organization’s identity is grounded in location-based work that happens between 9 and 5, it’s likely to struggle with flexible working. If an organization’s collective identity is stable and predictable, it will struggle to embrace innovation.
In other words, we don’t believe we are innovators, so we don’t innovate.
So, the takeaway here is that we behave in ways consistent with who we believe we are, and this holds true at the individual, team, and organizational levels.
The One Insight
While I was grumbling away about my lack of marathon training, Charles Duhigg had published The Power of Habit and introduced what he called the habit loop — cue, routine, reward. The book landed on my doorstep (thanks to Amazon), and I devoured it, wondering how I might use this to solve my training problem.
If you are not familiar with the habit loop, here is a quick overview:
Cue (the trigger): the signal that initiates the habit
Routine (the action): the behavior which can be a physical act, a feeling, or a thought
Reward (the payoff): the positive reinforcement that tells our brains the routine is worth repeating
Going back to my running example, when the alarm went off (the cue), I turned it off, bargained with myself, and went back to sleep (the routine), and the cozy bed was the reward. The weird thing is, I wasn’t actually going back to sleep; I stayed awake, I just didn’t go for the run.
I decided I would make some attempts to change the cue. At first, I put my alarm on top of my running shoes, which I kept out in the hall. This meant that when it went off, I would have to physically get out of bed, changing the routine. But then, I would faff around with getting dressed to go for a run and not quite make it. So, then I decided I would go to sleep in my running clothes (clean ones). This is how my habit loop changed:
Alarm goes off, and I stumble out of bed and into the hall. I’m already dressed for the activity I intend to do, and oh look, there’s my phone alarm going off on my running shoes. Multiple cues.
Well, I am already up and dressed, might as well go for the run. The Routine.
The runner’s high and crossing off my distance goal on my training calendar. The Reward.
The cues weren’t just about changing the habit loop; it was also about changing my identity. I slept in running shoes; I had running shoes; I went for runs; therefore, I must be a runner. And so, I must run.
Insight into Action
The habit loop can help realign our beliefs about ourselves, and it’s not just effective at the individual level. It’s also effective at the team and organizational level. Here is a real example.
I was working with a leadership team in a highly regulated industry. A big part of their new strategy was the need for innovation. The leadership team was growing increasingly frustrated at the lack thereof.
We are just not open to any new ideas, is the statement one of the leaders made.
Spending some time meeting with their teams, I came to the conclusion that the underlying collective belief within the organization was that mistakes are detrimental.
The identity belief was: We do not make mistakes
The desired behavior was: We need to innovate
Can you see the conflict?
Their identity was tied to being a company that didn’t make mistakes. Innovation requires some failure; you cannot innovate and get it right every time. The identity-to-goal mismatch meant the organization would resolve the mismatch by resisting innovation.
Here is what that looked like as a habit loop
Cue: New idea
Routine: Resist it, ignore it, fight like hell to keep it from happening
Reward: No mistakes
To change this, I introduced the concepts of sharing failure stories. I told the leadership team they needed to talk, on a daily basis, about something they tried and failed at. They looked at me like I was nuts (a look I’m very used to), and after some convincing, they agreed.
The next thing we did was change the reward. Rather than rewarding only successes, they started recognizing and rewarding effort - the ideas that were tested.
Here is how the new habit loop looked:
Stories about how leaders had tried new things and failed. The cue.
Questioning, what could I try? The Routine.
Celebrating what was tried, rewarded for testing new ideas. The Reward.
Once again, changing the cue wasn’t just about changing the habit loop; it was about changing identity. The organizations needed to move from an identity of we don’t make mistakes to we innovate from failure. The more they heard about how leaders were trying new things and how they didn’t always go as planned, the more the organization's identity shifted toward one that believed they could try new things, fail, and learn from them.
A few disclaimers
Risk-taking is possible even in highly regulated environments, but risk-taking doesn’t mean a free-for-all. There is such a thing as weighted risk. So, this isn’t about encouraging reckless behavior but recognizing that you cannot be an innovative company if your teams are too scared to make any mistakes.
This type of change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes persistent effort over time. Identity isn’t formed overnight, and it won’t shift overnight either.
When sharing failure stories, they have to be genuine. Stories that are disguised as humblebrags don’t work.
Get Unstuckifyed
Your turn.
Look at one repeated behavior in your organization (e.g., a standing meeting, a weekly status report) that everyone knows isn’t adding any value, but nobody stops. Ask yourself, what identity is this behavior protecting? Take it a step further and have this conversation with your team.
Till Next Time
Remember, identity, whether at an individual, team, or organizational level, plays a role in our behavior. So, sometimes, the stuckness we experience is because that is who we believe we are…the good news is that identity is changeable.
Thanks for getting Unstuckifyed with me.
Dr Dani